2.28.2017

Baby Blues


I've been feeling sort of out of it lately. Because I've promised to stay honest on this blog and document my journey through motherhood, I thought I'd write about how I'm feeling right now -- even if it isn't about a postpartum joy.

Am I depressed? No. 
Am I feeling a little lonely and kind of sad? Yes.

Here's the deal... 

I am the first person in my close circle of friends to get married, and now have a baby. The people I used to turn to for support normally have no idea what I'm feeling or what I'm going through and it's just not the same anymore. They're still my friends and I think the world of them, but I feel kind of lost, out of place, and just not myself. I hate feeling this way. 

First, let me be c r y s t a l c l e a r -- I love being a mom and I love my son. I wouldn't trade him or motherhood for anything. That little boy is so precious. His big eyes, his sweet smile and his need for his momma makes everything worth it... even when he is screaming at the top of his lungs and I have no idea what to do -- I adore that little boy.

Second, I do have some support. I have my mother and she's been wonderful, but it's one thing to bond over you baby with your mom and it's another type of thing to bond over children with people your age.

I have my husband who has been great -- he's the best dad to our son and it overjoys me when we are all together, but when he goes to work, I am often left feeling lonely and slightly lost.

The thing is -- I am usually a happy person, so why I feel so out of place is super frustrating to me. I want to be content and I am. It's just that momming is super hard some days and I am left completely exhausted after 12+ hours of non stop baby duty. Not having a girlfriend I can go have a coffee with and talk about the joys and perils of motherhood every once in awhile is just depressing to me.

I will say that Instagram has been a somewhat of a help with easing some of these yucky feelings.
There are a few great mamas that I've been able to connect with, but the ability and opportunity to leave my house and talk to someone who is in the same boats escapes me at the moment -- leaving me to deal with this bumpy road alone for now.

Which leads me to my one source of solace -- Jesus. 
One of my new year resolutions was to spend more time doing devotionals and I'll admit I haven't been doing my best with that one (with quite a few of them actually), but still, He is gracious and reminds me of His steadfast love through the loving gazes my baby bestows on me when I feel out of it. For that alone, I am forever grateful.

I guess walking this path alone is another way to lead me back to Him.
I started this blog post feeling sorry for myself and am finishing it enlightened by Grace. He works in the most wonderful of ways -- it makes my heart happy.

How did you deal with becoming a first time mom? What was your support system?
I'd love to hear your story!

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2 comments:

  1. I felt the same way after having Logan. Especially since hubby worked everyday and my family is back in Oregon. My friends here either didn't have kids or they were older than Logan. I still asked for advice from them and talked about my experiences. Besides that, I've been connecting and venting with social media moms. I follow a private mom group on Facebook called Convey Motherhood and I love it. I go on there to ask for help, advice or talk about anything. They are so sweet on there.
    Hope you overcome the baby blues! ���� Motherhood is the best and it gets easier!

    -Oksana Walter

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    1. Awe, you're the sweetest! 💕 I agree, social media has been a big help.
      Thanks pretty lady.

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